The Matches
The family lived in Washington, D.C., and consisted of the father, Ernest, who worked in finance; the mother, Amita, an Indian woman who worked for a charity organization; and the two children, an eight-year-old boy and a nine-year-old girl. Their hobbies were nothing like mine—sports and hiking—as I was the biggest disaster the National Youth Games had ever seen. However, Amita immediately wrote me an email saying that they were very impressed with my application and thought I would be a good match. They had had nannies for three years, and I would be the fourth. They had built up an exceptionally good relationship with all the previous ones and were therefore very much looking forward to welcoming a new one. The email sounded nice, and I definitely wanted to speak to the parents in person first, even though the application didn’t exactly blow me away—I really wasn’t very sporty.
But still, my first interview with a potential host family, my nerves were on edge once again! I spent a lot of time anxiously jumping around the house, which in turn drove my family crazy, and wrote down a lot of questions using the nanny handbook to nip any impending awkward silences in the bud. When the phone actually rang, I briefly mentioned throwing myself out of the nearest window, but Amita sounded so nice that all panic immediately vanished. My English was not only sufficient to understand all her questions, but also to answer them in detail. And what she said sounded very promising. I would have a whole floor to myself and wouldn’t have to work much as the children would be at school most of the time. What’s more, like me, they all loved reading books; there were lots of nannies in the neighborhood; I wouldn’t have any restrictions on going out; and I wouldn’t have to drive but would be provided with a bicycle. Since the driver’s license in my wallet hadn’t been there long and my driving experience was limited to the route to the nearest supermarket, I saw this as just another plus point.
I was also very impressed by the photo of the children she sent me; they both looked like they had come straight from the agency’s homepage. Like my siblings and me, they grew up without a television, hence our shared deep love of books.
The second conversation, a few days later, with Ernest, the host father, unfortunately went a lot worse. He sounded rather distant and businesslike. He had obviously prepared some kind of questionnaire, which he worked through and, to make matters worse, wrote down my answers, making me increasingly nervous. I was also unsettled by the fact that he didn’t laugh once, something I did after almost every sentence to lighten the mood a little, but which didn’t work at all. I was glad when the phone call, which had felt more like an interrogation, was over.
Amita later wrote to tell me that they had given her current nanny, Sara, my e-mail address and that she would get in touch with me if that was okay. I immediately took the opportunity to vent everything that was on my mind and fire it at the poor girl. Sara was a little shocked at first at the high number of questions, but then made a great effort to answer them all. Although the previous nanny had not reported too many positive things, the family was not a problem for her. Thanks to all the free time, she managed to do sports three to five times a week, caught up on her parent’s divorce, read, and knit. Washington was not that big, and you could see everything pretty quickly, even if there was an impressive selection of museums.
That didn’t sound quite like the exciting time I was hoping to have in America. The children were cute, at least when they wanted to be. But the nanny before her had taken nine months to really get to grips with them, and the girl before her had taken even longer. Even longer? How was that possible? Had the children only become sociable on the day of their departure? In any case, both of them really did spend most of the day with their noses in books, spending a lot of time on their own or having play dates. “You have to be careful with the girl, though; she really likes to play her power games. It’s important to show her who’s in charge. Unfortunately, you generally have to do that with children in the USA. At least, this family has set clear rules. Above all, you need patience. When the two of them are busy with something, they hear and see nothing else. This has put me in a lot of stressful situations, especially when I’m pressed for time.” When the weather was good, they often went to the pool, arts and crafts were not really their thing.
Thankfully, the children didn’t compare her to previous nannies, as they knew that every girl is different and has both good and bad sides.
However, the first few days in New York were very difficult for Sara as she didn’t know what to expect, and she missed her boyfriend very much. There were quite a lot of nannies in the neighborhood, but she was someone who only had one good friend rather than many superficial ones, so she found it difficult to make contacts. “But I would definitely become a nanny again, even with the same family, as I enjoyed a lot of freedom overall and didn’t have to do much around the house.” She always had weekends off, except maybe once a month for two to three hours, and was therefore able to do quite a lot. Being underage again, i.e. younger than 21 in America, wasn’t a problem for her as she didn’t like partying anyway. Since I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol yet and had seen the inside of a club maybe three times, I could only agree with her wholeheartedly on this point.
That all sounded pretty good, but it worried me that the two girls before her had taken so long to get along with the kids. That and the fact that I wanted more activities nearby than museums prevented me from feeling like I had found the perfect family, as AP had said. Other nannies were really enthusiastic and raved about the knowledge that they had found their dream family. And it was precisely this feeling that I didn’t quite want to experience.
I was plagued by too many doubts and when I read on the Internet that if your gut feeling didn’t say yes one hundred percent, you shouldn’t take the family, I decided, albeit with a heavy heart, to turn it down. I was sorry, as the family had already invested so much effort in me and, according to Sara, were very enthusiastic about me. But on the other hand, this year was supposed to be the best of my life, as was advertised everywhere, and everything had to be just right. Nevertheless, I was afraid that I had missed my chance. Perhaps the following matches would be even less suitable? That was something that really bothered me about the matchmaking system – why could you only ever have one family in your account? This prevented a comparison and, in the event of a rejection, brought with it the constant uncertainty of whether the following matches would be better or worse.
However, I learned that many nannies rejected their first match, even though AP warned against it, because according to them the first match would always be the best, and often only found their dream family on the eighth or ninth match. So I wrote Amita a lengthy email, first apologizing for my decision and asserting that they were a great family, but I didn’t think I was the right match for them, and they would definitely find something more suitable, wishing them good luck. However, no sooner had I sent the email than one from AP landed in my inbox in return. “Congratulations, the family would love to welcome you into their home as a nanny. They are expecting your arrival on August 20th.” What a timing! I was surprised, because although I had heard that they liked me, neither the host parents nor the organization had asked me if I wanted to be the new nanny. What now? I had sent them the rejection at exactly the same time as they had sent me the invitation. What if everything had already been finalized? The children informed? The flight booked?
In a slight panic, I called Berlin to find out more, and luckily this time there was someone nice on the phone. I was assured that the misunderstanding would be cleared up immediately, and I would get a new match. Relieved, I hung up, as I had almost expected to end up with the lovely ice queen again, who would probably have accused me of being too picky and preached to me that I would never get anywhere in life like this. But now everything was settled.
Just a few days later, I received a new family proposal from Seattle. The mother was a manager at Amazon and the father was a teacher from Germany, which is why I was supposed to speak German with the children, two girls. The host mother wrote to tell me that they would really like my application and that I should speak to her current nanny, Claire, on the phone first. She called me shortly afterwards, and we talked for almost an hour and a half. She was pretty enthusiastic about her nanny year so far, had a lot of free time, got on well with the girls and her parents, who had no problem with her only doing things with friends over the weekend. Seattle was also great, Hawaii very close by, and so far she hadn’t been homesick for a second.
I just wondered how she had managed to spend everything she had earned so far, 200 dollars a week still seemed like an incredible amount to me. Nevertheless, it all sounded very promising, except for the minor fact that Seattle was very hilly and the nanny would only have access to a car with gears. There were few things worse for me than the idea of having to drive up a hill, but if everything else was right, I could manage. I liked what I had heard so far much better than at the previous match. The children had a full program every day: school, sports, music lessons, art lessons,… that meant I would have plenty of practice driving – so there was hardly anything that could go wrong. But it did.
Shortly afterwards, I received an email from the host mother saying that she was very sorry, but that they had decided on another nanny. It had been extremely difficult for them as I had the best application they had ever seen, but the other girl had been in contact with them for a long time and would have had to wait much longer. That’s why they had chosen her. At least she added a few comforting words at the end of the message: I would certainly find another family quickly, and she thanked me for the time I had already invested in her.
That was life, I had canceled the first family and the second had now canceled me.